The Pressure of External Success
Often emotions are tied into what we eat and how we feel about ourselves.
Our self-image and self-confidence are also an important part of the package. As I embarked on my journey into the media with a New York Times best seller, I found myself on a path I did not dream would be for me. On the outside I looked great. I had graduated from BYU, taught school for three years and now was a very successful person in the media.
The Role of Stress and Medication
Underneath all of that were feelings that I was not OK. I had always struggled with school. My parents even drove to Provo on many weekends to read to me as I worked hard to get though college.
My success and newfound fame gave me a drink of admiration, and I wanted more and more of it. I wanted people to think I was OK even though I did not feel it inside. I began to push myself to the point that I was very stressed. Now I was on the NBC Today Show as a regular as well as writing a new book. It was all too much. I was putting in 70 and sometimes even 80 hours a week. I became depressed and went to see a doctor. The medication that he put me on had a side effect of weight gain. I ate more and more to fill that void I felt in my soul.
The Therapy Journey
I did not stop any of my work but I had to slow down. I reached out for some therapy. What I learned was that I was looking outside of myself for the things that I should be giving myself. I must have asked my therapist 1,000 times if I was OK. Once I reprogrammed my head I asked her if I was smart. She would tell me, “I do not know anyone else that has done what you have done.” Someone who was as creative as I was did not get rewarded for that in school.
Learning to Love Yourself
Slowly I began to reprogram the wrong ideas I had about me. I learned that I was OK, really smart and that it was I who had to love myself and care enough about me to do the things that would help me lose the weight that I had put on over the past few years. I had let myself go all the way to 326 pounds.
The Path to Health
Slowly with the help of my wonderful support people, I started on the journey to take proper care of myself. Now I am at 200 pounds, very active and loving life. It had to start with me caring enough about myself that I would do the things that would bring me back to health and a wonderful active life.
